"funk"

I went to a concert tonight that was so good for my heart...I was reminded how thankful I am that the Lord is a healer and a lover of sinners...because I'm broken and in disarray and I'm the chief of sinners...I was reminded how much I need Him to come in to all my broken places and mend me.

I've been in a funk for a while...mostly relational, or that's how it manifests itself anyways...a "funk" is code for the seasons when my time with Jesus is lacking and I become a selfish, withdrawn beast in my heart.

There's so much of my life that I love right now. I love my job, I love my friends, I've met some amazing new people that have blessed me tremendously in the past month...but something has just felt "off" lately...maybe it's transition to real adulthood, maybe it's deeper than that..

I need to get away. I need to be far from facebook and my cell phone and I need to talk. I just need to sit with someone and talk about heart issues face to face. I need to process in freedom and I just haven't had the chance to do that yet.

I can feel my heart just longing to really meet the Lord but there's a hesitancy that makes me so sad...I want to run with reckless abandon to His presence...I want that to be my essence.

I just feel dry. and I'd like to blame it on a few things but I think this time I'll just admit that more often than not the problem is that I'm being disobedient.

Lord, teach me to wait for you.

a simpler life.

i think i'm going to become Amish.

:)

i'm so excited about backpacking...14 days!

i work tomorrow and sunday after 7 days in a row off...sweet schedule :) and i even get to go home for Easter!

i had friends over for dinner...it was so fun! i really do love to have people over...

time for bed...i was up way too late with my dear friends who are still in college...i am not in college anymore and my days of staying up until the wee hours of the morning are gone, i'm afraid...

just say it

a random quiz just told me that I am "the communicator," a collector and facilitator of knowledge. i think i like being a collector and facilitator of knowledge.

"Fear not little flock, for it is the Father's good pleasure to give you the Kingdom"

i haven't posted in a while. not because i haven't had anything to say but more because i've had so much to say that typing it all overwhelms me a bit.

i have lots of bruises from taekwondo tonight. it kinda feels good to know that i fought enough to get them. it's been awhile.

tonight i made dinner for one of my friends. it's a good feeling to make dinner for someone for a change instead of always having dinner made for me (although that's great to). just another sign that i'm done with school and coming up for air. :)

there's this boy that i wish would pursue me. but he's so out of my league.

lots of my friend are getting engaged! first Taryn a couple weeks ago, then Cindy, then Renee! i'm so excited for them...and so excited that i get to be in at least one of the weddings :) i LOVE being a bridesmaid!

i'm so thankful for this season of sabbath. but i don't want to get complacent here. i'm praying that even though i'm looking forward to the more "stable" adult life, that the Lord would meet me and never let me forget.

i'm excited about starting work saturday night. it's about time i got on the floor again! i have the best job ever..

i talked to a guy on the phone about missions today. my latest longing is to go to Mali. it's in africa, the national language is french, and the ministry is a children's hospital...not sure there's anything that would be a better fit for me. i wish i could go soon. but i don't think it's wise at this point.

i had an awesome birthday this year. my friends love me so so well...it was such a reminder to me of the Lord's sweet provision for my life here in Durham. He is so good to me and i can point to all of the ways that He has been faithful to "give me the kingdom" here.

i'm praying about leading a small group in the fall for girls who've just graduated college. it's just such a hard transition and you need girls who have been there and are willing to love you through the hard parts and speak truth to you when it doesn't seem possible to believe it. maybe the Lord will call me to that. we'll see. i think it could be good. not to mention, i miss discipling girls so much...

ok, i need to go to bed. but i could write so much more. later.

fear not

today i went to the Children's museum in Raleigh...and i still have the remnants of orange face paint on my face...awesome. but, really, it was super fun! i highly recommend it to kids of all ages..

Beth Moore was profound tonight...i can't even process it all...but she talked about fear and how any time we say or think "what if" we are really saying "i fear"...it's true. did you know that the most frequent command in scripture is "do not fear"? and we cherish fear so closely that we can't shed it even when we're told to. we eat, sleep, and breathe fear. what if we broke free of that?

love the new Fray cd. it was recommended by my own personal music guru.

i have great friends here in durham. but sometimes, i miss my friends that don't live here.

i so value friends who speak truth to me even when it's not what i want to hear.

and i love real conversation and the freedom to be transparent even when everything in me wants to be superficial. it's amazing that my friends still love me. what a beautiful picture of the grace of our precious Savior.

Hebrews 2:14-15--i love these verses.
"Since therefore the children share in flesh and blood, he himself likewise partook of the same things, that through death he might destroy the one who has the power of death, that is, the devil, and deliver all those who through fear of death were subject to lifelong slavery."

camp and freeing friends

i love camp. why don't i go there more often? i'm thankful for freeing friends who give me the grace to be who i am and to say what's on my mind without fear of being judged. i learn so much from those kinds of friends. and they give great hugs. :)