a timely poem

a friend sent me this today. if only she knew how much I needed to read it.

Light Shining out of Darkness

God moves in a mysterious way
His wonders to perform;
He plants His footsteps in the sea,
And rides upon the storm.

Deep in unfathomable mines
Of never-failing skill,
He treasures up His bright designs,
And works His sovereign will.

Ye fearful saints, fresh courage take,
The clouds ye so much dread
Are big with mercy, and shall break
In blessings on your head.

Judge not the Lord by feeble sense,
But trust Him for His grace;
Behind a frowning providence
He hides a smiling face.

His purposes will ripen fast,
Unfolding every hour;
The bud may have a bitter taste,
But sweet will be the flower.

Blind unbelief is sure to err,
And scan His work in vain:
God is His own interpreter,
And he will make it plain.

William Cowper
(1731 - 1800 Hertfordshire, England)

a big deal

Why am I awake right now? cause I'm still thinking. I'm thinking about how amazing it is that God loves me and that He knows exactly what I need to hear and when I need to hear it and how to get it to my stubborn ears and through my thick skull and eventually to my hard heart. I'm so thankful for my church. I was telling a friend tonight that Trinity Park is the first church I've ever been a part of where I feel like I can just rest and worship. I'm not worried about whether or not the music will be good or whether or not the words coming out of the pastor's mouth will be true or only half true or whether or not I'll leave feeling full or empty. My church feeds my soul. and I'm so humbled and grateful to be a part of something that is so steeped in the gospel and covered in prayer and Christ exalting. not to mention that I have never felt so loved and like I belong. and that is a very big deal.

there is so much I want to say. but tonight, I'm intrigued by silence.

feeling creative

I might as well come clean and admit that I'm intimidated by my own blog. ok, maybe I'm intimidated by my own expectations for my own blog. More often than not, I find myself in a mental wrestling match with the finger that controls the mouse on my laptop, which usually ends with a tv show on hulu and the defeating admission that I'm not "feeling" creative today. Maybe I'll blog tomorrow.

I want to be an artist. I want to create beauty. and I want this blog to be an outlet, a canvas where words come together to tell a story. my story. I have a long way to go but I think I might be finally beginning to start to believe a tiny bit that my story might be worth being told. I don't think that beginning tiny bit of maybe is quite enough to launch me into the freedom that it will take for me to really be honest on these pages but here's hoping that God is doing something grand.

this week I've loved the lyrics to this amazing hymn. someone that I love a lot suggested that the chorus might be my theme song this season.

Jesus I am resting, resting
In the Joy of what Thou art;
I am finding out the greatness
Of Thy loving heart.
Thou hast bid me gaze upon Thee,
And Thy beauty fills my soul,
For by Thy transforming power
Thou hast made me whole.

Jesus, I am resting, resting
In the joy of what Thou art;
I am finding out the greatness
Of Thy loving heart.

O how great Thy loving kindness.
Vaster, broader than the sea!
O how marvelous Thy goodness,
Lavished all on me!
Yes, I rest in Thee, Beloved,
Know Thy certainty of promise,
And have made it mine.

Simply trusting Thee, Lord Jesus,
I behold Thee as Thou art,
And Thy love, so pure, so changeless,
Satisfies my heart;
Satisfies its deepest longings,
Meets supplies its every need,
Compasseth me round with blessings;
Thine is love indeed!

Ever lift Thy face upon me,
As I work and wait for Thee;
Resting 'neath Thy smile, Lord Jesus,
Earth's dark shadows flee.
Brightness of my Father's glory,
Sunshine of my Father's face,
Keep me ever trusting, resting;
Fill me with Thy grace.

Oh, how I long to discover the greatness of my Savior's loving heart.

Romans 8:1

Therefore there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.

don't beat yourself up. there's no condemnation. only forgiveness.