Saturday, July 31, 2010

come freedom, nail it down.
come freedom, come.

Friday, July 30, 2010

Your love is strong

by jon foreman

Heavenly Father
You always amaze me
Let your kingdom come
In my world and in my life
You give me the food I need
To live through the day
And forgive me as I forgive
The people that wronged me
Lead me far from temptation
Deliver me from the evil one

I look out the window
The birds are composing
Not a note is out of tune
Or out of place
I walk to the meadow
And stare at the flowers
Better dressed than any girl
On her wedding day

So why should I worry?
Why do I freak out?
God knows what I need
You know what I need

Your love is strong

The kingdom of the heavens
Is now advancing
Invade my heart
Invade this broken town
The kingdom of the heavens
Is buried treasure
Will you sell yourself
To buy the one you've found?

Two things you told me
That you are strong
And you love me
Yes, you love me

Our God in heaven
Hallowed be
Thy name above all names
Your kingdom come
Your will be done
On earth as it is in heaven
Give us today our daily bread
Forgive us weary sinners
Lead us far away from our vices
And deliver us from these prisons

Your love is strong when mine is weak..

Thursday, July 22, 2010


tonight was yet another goodbye. saying goodbye takes a toll on the heart after a while. i've never been more convinced that we just weren't meant for separation. we were meant to have perfect intimacy with God and with each other that doesn't involve saying goodbye. i feel like God is teaching me how to mourn loss in a new way. he's showing me that it's ok and appropriate to be sad for a time but reminding me that knowing Christ is far greater than anything or anyone that i could lose. it brings new meaning to Paul saying that he counts everything as loss for the sake of knowing Christ.

heike comes tomorrow. it's perfect timing, really. seeing a friend i haven't seen in a year after saying goodbye to 5 friends in 2 short months. what a sweet blessing a week with heike will be! praise the Lord for his timely provision..

today I was reading about God's provision in a couple of the gospels. Jehovah-Jireh, the Lord who provides. the ways that Jesus reminds us of that part of God's character are remarkable. like when he feeds 5,000 people with 5 loaves a 2 fish and then has 12 baskets leftover. or when he talks about the lilies in the field and the sparrows, or when Paul asks if God has given us His only son, how could He not graciously give us all things...and there are so many more times where a sovereign God provides perfectly for his people in a way that teaches them to put their trust only in Him and provides above and beyond for their every need.

there's so much brokenness and separation and hurt in this world...but the gospel fills in all the cracks and His grace is enough..

Sunday, July 18, 2010

One man

writing on this blog is really worshipful for me.

tonight, as I was studying the fruit of the spirit, Peace, I was just blown away by the magnitude of the cross and the reality of all that Jesus did that day that he died. He said he didn't come to bring peace but a sword but he moved us from the sword of division to the peace of reconciliation at the cross. He became our peace at the cross when he made peace with the death that reigned from Adam. I love the verses in Romans 5--"If, because of one man's trespass, death reigned through that one man, much more will those who receive the abundance of grace and the free gift of righteousness reign in life through the one man, Jesus Christ"--one act of righteousness and obedience leads to justification and life for all men. At the right time, he died for the ungodly. His blood cleanses us, heals us, frees us, and grants us access to God. These things are TRUE and sometimes I just press on through my days without even stopping to think and rest in the fact that this man that I say that I love had to die for me to even be able to begin to grasp the idea of love. Jesus paid it all, I owe everything to him, he bought my freedom, he rescued me, he gave me life and he's the only one who can heal my heart. this takes root in my heart in a new way during this season of my life when I'm working on so many things, wrestling through lots of heart issues with the Lord, and just trying to move toward health in so many ways. it's humbling. What a reality check--think about it, even when I stand before the Lord complete and whole and healed and perfectly holy, all I'll be able to boast is Jesus, all I'll be able to say is that He died to rescue me. He paid my debt. He pursued me and showed me grace. He wouldn't give up. He loved me into holiness. He did this, not me. I couldn't even make good choices, I couldn't fight without getting tired, I couldn't say yes to righteousness and no to my sin, I couldn't love without ulterior motives, I couldn't keep my hope from wandering to things that would never satisfy, I kept chasing idols but Jesus still paid it all. He buried my sin that day that he died and he promised me forever.

Friday, July 16, 2010

the wok

tonight was so fun! I went to C&T wok in Morrisville, my favorite restaurant, with the Jacksons, who have become sweet family in a short time and just love me so well by letting me do life with them..we ate the most authentic Chinese food this side of the Pacific Ocean, put some children to bed, poured some wine, and then watched a movie on the sweet new dvd player :) it was just a good night..

I'm so thankful for the ways that the Lord community is changing so drastically this summer but He's providing for me in radical ways and loving me more into Jesus through it all...Katie's leaving tomorrow and Megan leaves Monday..but I feel sure we'll be friends long past the separation of a few states and an ocean..there's no way Katie and I will survive a season of Gator football without watching at least one game together...and Megan and I will have Skype and the promise of only 11 months away..any longer than that and Cheltenham, here I come! :) Alas, God is furthering His kingdom and he's using my friends to do it...and I'm grateful for Kingdom-mindedness that allows me to rejoice in that!

being fed

I'm learning a lot right now. a lot about myself and the Lord, about the way I think, my habits and my health, my tendencies, my fears, and what "feeds" me. Counseling with Anne has been one of the best gifts that God has ever given me. She is so good for me, always pointing me to truth and willing to say the hard things at the perfect time, right when I'm ready to hear them. I'm still amazed at her ability to walk alongside me, help me both rejoice and mourn, affirm me and challenge me, and make me laugh and cry all in the same hour. Yesterday was mostly talking about the past 2 weeks, rejoicing over small victories and helpful choices. My homework was to do one thing to take care of myself or "feed" myself and to say "no" to something. I said no to several things and did a lot of things that were really good for me. I made myself have some alone time that was filled with time with Jesus, playing guitar, reading, singing, and praying. It's amazing how much better life is when you take some time to process and take care of yourself a little bit. It's hard, hard to make choices that go against long-standing habits and what has become comfortable. but it's so worth it in the end. Something Anne said yesterday was really helpful (surprise, surprise), "you have just been so drained in every way, especially emotionally and relationally, it's like we're trying to fill up a swimming pool that has been drained for the summer and is completely's going to be hard and it will take a while but once it's full, it's not so hard to make up for evaporation"...Anne told me to make a list of things that "feed" me emotionally and spiritually...after all "man does not live on bread alone.." the list included: time in the Word, playing guitar, journaling, Taekwondo/exercise in general, artsy stuff-scrapbook, painting, etc., reading, blogging, counseling, prayer, singing/listening to music, cleaning my room/apt, being at home...and I'm sure there are other things on the list that I'm forgetting but that's a start. It can't be too difficult to do at least one of those things every day. Yesterday, Anne reminded me what a blessing it is that the Lord pushed me to work on these things now instead of after I'm married with kids. She says "we marry people of like health" so moving toward emotional, spiritual, and physical health is worth it. I'll choose a better spouse, be a better mom, and ultimately know more of Jesus, which is really the goal. I'm so thankful that I'm not fighting alone.

Last weekend one of my best friends got married to the love of her life! Rae and I have only been friends for 11 months but we are kindred spirits. we joke that we are the same person in 2 very similar bodies :) but, really, she has been such a sweet spot in my life the past year and I was so honored to wear a pretty dress and stand beside her at her wedding. I am so excited to walk alongside her and Chad as they love Jesus more and love each other in marriage!

in other news, Heike, another best friend who has been living in China for the past year is coming to visit for a week very soon! Heike and I have been through so much together. I can't wait to sit with her and talk and just do life with her for a week. Margaritas will be obtained. I've missed her so much!

Monday, July 5, 2010

a free day

Today was such a free day. normally on an unexpected day off like today I would scramble around trying to find people who were free to hang out or drive to find people to be with but It's nice to release myself from my own relational expectations long enough to do some of the things that I love to do like read my Bible and pray and journal and play my guitar. and do things that need to be done like go to the bank and eat frozen yogurt and buy a world map for my living room :)

Sunday, July 4, 2010


"I think the devil has made it his business to monopolize on three elements: noise, hurry, crowds. If he can keep us hearing radios, gossip, conversation, or even sermons, he is happy. But he will not allow quietness. For he believes Isaiah where we do not. Satan is quite aware of the power of silence." - Jim Elliot

Today was a silent day for me. I didn't realize how much I needed it until I just turned off my cell phone, hid my laptop, and spent time reading and journaling. What a sweet gift we have in being able to meet with our Creator...He is not afraid of the mess that is in my heart, on the contrary, He moves toward me in my mess and rescues me..

This morning we sang this song at church.."Jesus paid it all, all to Him I owe, sin had left a crimson stain, He washed it white as snow"..what a sweet time of worship with my new community, Trinity Park Church, in a family's home complete with a potluck lunch afterward...God is making it more clear every day His purpose in moving me toward this church plant...

I've had a rough couple days...there's so much going on in my life right now and I just can't seem to keep up...the sermon this morning was on Psalm 22..similar to a lot of the Psalms, David moves from suffering and lament to worship through the course of the Psalm...that's one of my favorite things about the Psalms and why I spend a lot of my time with the Lord journaling because inevitably, even if I start out whining, the Lord changes my heart to see His goodness and be reminded of His faithfulness to me...I'm so thankful for a God and for people in my life who aren't afraid of my mess but are willing to move toward me and walk with me through it, fighting alongside me in this battle..

We got a new roommate named Katie. She's great. We're still getting to know each other but I'm pretty sure she'll end up being a great friend. I'm thankful to see how the Lord orchestrated her moving in with us. We didn't even have to try, she just showed up and moved in and it's gonna be so fun! we miss Nichole a lot, though...I wish we could all live together..

In other news, I got lice from some kids I hang out with and just finished de-lousing my head and my entire apartment. I've tested my friendship with Ellen to the max. You know you've got a good friend when she's willing to pick through your hair with a tiny comb removing small bugs that have taken up residence all at 1 am. truly remarkable. and now our apartment is really really clean for something new and different.

I'm going to sleep now.