not home yet.

Tonight while talking to my sweet roommate, I was reminded of one of my favorite songs. Since I heard this song my sophomore year of college, I have referred to it as my "life theme song" and I think to this day, it holds true.

"One of These days" -Jill Paquette

It's been so long, said it's been too long
Can't remember when I've felt so known
You're so warm; shelter me from the storm
And the fears that are just so cold

They're telling me things get messy when you care
Things are messy everywhere
And don't I know it, don't I show it
Every time I look away
'cause what can I do what can I say
To help myself
Or to help anybody else?

You meet me in my need
You bring new life to me
And you go beyond what I feel
Your life brought more than freedom
Your love brought time just what I needed
To see I needed You

One of these days it will be easier to mean what I say
If I remember each and every day
That this world is not my home and I never walk alone
And before time began my days were known by You

You meet me in my need
You bring new life to me
And you go beyond what I feel
Your life brought more than freedom
Your love brought time just what I needed
To see I needed You

One of these days it will be easier to mean what I say
If I remember each and every day
That this world is not my home and I never walk alone
And before time began my days were known by You


I like the part where she says "If I remember each and every day that this world is not my home" because it reminds me that I'm not home yet. There's always this feeling that something's missing and sometimes I think that if I can just figure it out, if I can just sort through all the crap in my head, if I can just be healthy, if I can just do x-y-z, then I'll finally feel complete and whole and healed...but that's a lie. Even if I did everything perfectly, which is impossible, it still wouldn't feel right because this isn't home. this isn't the end of the journey, there's more! there's real healing and real wholeness and real fulfillment face-to-face with Jesus for all of eternity...apparently, God just has some things he wants me to do here for a short time until He calls me home..

Today I had an awesome day. I was alone for most of the day, just resting and spending time with the Lord. What sweet time it was to just be and to not feel like I needed to be going and doing and thinking constantly for my time to be worth something. I did put my clothes away and clean my room but I did a lot of sitting and watching movies and journaling. and I even got Moe's for dinner! It was just a good day. Praise the Lord for the freedom to have a day like today..