fear not

today i went to the Children's museum in Raleigh...and i still have the remnants of orange face paint on my face...awesome. but, really, it was super fun! i highly recommend it to kids of all ages..

Beth Moore was profound tonight...i can't even process it all...but she talked about fear and how any time we say or think "what if" we are really saying "i fear"...it's true. did you know that the most frequent command in scripture is "do not fear"? and we cherish fear so closely that we can't shed it even when we're told to. we eat, sleep, and breathe fear. what if we broke free of that?

love the new Fray cd. it was recommended by my own personal music guru.

i have great friends here in durham. but sometimes, i miss my friends that don't live here.

i so value friends who speak truth to me even when it's not what i want to hear.

and i love real conversation and the freedom to be transparent even when everything in me wants to be superficial. it's amazing that my friends still love me. what a beautiful picture of the grace of our precious Savior.

Hebrews 2:14-15--i love these verses.
"Since therefore the children share in flesh and blood, he himself likewise partook of the same things, that through death he might destroy the one who has the power of death, that is, the devil, and deliver all those who through fear of death were subject to lifelong slavery."

camp and freeing friends

i love camp. why don't i go there more often? i'm thankful for freeing friends who give me the grace to be who i am and to say what's on my mind without fear of being judged. i learn so much from those kinds of friends. and they give great hugs. :)

the babysitting extravaganza!

I love kids! I've been babysitting like crazy this week already...in fact, i'm currently at my 3rd babysitting job in one day! It's been so fun, though...

Nathan and Megan are my first...they are 5 and 6...so far we've colored, put together puzzles, played hide and seek, gone bowling, played in the arcade, had a dance party, discussed the continents, planets and Magic school bus, and talked about Jesus...I was telling Megan about Jesus yesterday because she asked me about my gospel bracelet and after I talked, she said "When I get to heaven, I'm gonna give God a big kiss!...He's just soooo nice!" Imagine a cute little 5 year-old voice saying that...it was precious...and a great reminder that our God is a good God who is for us and not against us!

Sadie, a precious 12 month-old is my second...she is awesome and I love taking care of her...she's just learning so much right now...today we learned hat, top, cup, paci, nose, kitty, toy, and window...we had a minor crisis this afternoon due to a missing paci but one of the construction workers was so sweet to run to the store and get us a new one...David to the rescue! They're working on their house right now so Sadie and I spent most of the day outside which is great for me since she LOVES her stroller and I get to walk! There's a playground near the house that she and I have been frequenting...she used to hate the swing but now she loves it and she's obsessed with the slide...she's also great at meeting new people, which is always fun! Never a dull moment...

James is my last...he's asleep :) almost 4 months and so stinkin' cute...his parents have realized that they need date nights every once in a while so that their relationship doesn't end up revolving around James which is so wise and so good for a marriage...I love being able to be a part of a God-glorifying marriage by sitting at their house while they go out to dinner...

so, it's been a full day but the Lord is letting me spend time with kids and serve parents and fulfill a little piece of what I feel called to since I don't have a marriage or kiddos of my own yet! He truly does provide in the most creative ways :) I am so thankful to have a Jehovah Jireh who is committed to my life and knows exactly what I need...I am learning more and more that He is the only One who can love me perfectly and the only One who can be my all... praise Him for reminding me of that constantly!

Stepping into Africa...in Athens

Tonight I stepped into Africa. I volunteered and a World Vision event at Alisa's church in Athens called "Step Into Africa." We walked through the life of a child affected by the HIV/AIDS pandemic. It was heart-breaking but so very real. everyone should do it.

check it out:
http://www.worldvisionexperience.org/

This is Eunice, my little girl. Isn't she precious?

issues

so i've determined that i don't like discussing huge issues like homosexuality and abortion and the death penalty with people...especially people that i love a lot...i think it's hard cause i don't enjoy disagreeing even though i know it's ok...maybe i'm scared of those issues cause i can see both sides and i don't know how to make a decision about what i believe...but i'm thankful that no matter what i believe, it's not going to affect how i interact with people and how i love them...it's just not that big of a deal...i feel like sometimes the issues cloud what the real heart issues are and it's more fun for people to debate those than to talk about the depths of the sin that we know fills our hearts and our need for rescue from it...but i'm thankful that there are people in my life that call the issues to mind and wrestle with them more than i do...it's good to be reminded that these things really are a struggle for believers and that there's a reason that we don't have all the answers this side of heaven...my heart breaks over the fact that we even have to discuss things like this and especially over the way that the church has royally screwed up loving people in the past and even now...it's shocking how powerful sin is that it can shift our eyes from the one thing Jesus has called us to over everything else, love, and turn us into judgmental self-righteous buttheads...i've never been more sure of our need for His redemption..

home

i'm home. and i love it. sometimes i wish i could be in 2 places at once. but i can't. copper is freaking huge! i want to be an artist. and play the cello. i'm officially a nurse. which is insane and also awesome. i love kids. and i want to be married. but i'm content. Jesus is amazing. my heart is joyful and resting in him and it's so not of me. i finished Shane's book. it rocked my world. not sure what Jesus wants me to do with it yet but i know it's something. we had our India time last night for all our supporters complete with pictures, stories, saris, and dessert! it was so fun. i wished i could've hung out and reminisced with the team more than we could but that will be for another time. i love people. what if i pay off my loans in 2 years? then can i go to africa?

overwhelmed with joy

my heart is overwhelmed with joy and thankfulness right now...like, it blows me away what the Lord is doing in my life and how He's growing me and shaping me and teaching me big things about His character and my identity and how sweet and dangerous it is to follow Jesus...there are too many things to write on this blog but let's just say He's teaching me profound things that are not just cool but are going to affect the way i live and think and love for the rest of my life..

i'm going home tomorrow to see my family and i'm so excited to see them! I'm even excited for the drive because i'm going to listen to more of Irresistible Revolution by Shane Claiborne...talk about shaking up your view of what the Lord is calling us to as bold followers of Christ...

I still want to go to Africa...I mean, Africa is in surround sound...specifically Kenya and Rwanda...I know I can't go for a few years cause I need to pay off my debt but if the Lord keeps going like He's been going, I'm gonna have to go pretty soon...

I have incredible friends...like these people who know me and love me and connect with me on a deep, real, heart level...and they speak truth to me and rejoice with me and weep with me and hug me when I need it...gah, I am so incredibly blessed..

thoughts of a needy girl

One of the things I love more than most things is praying with my sisters in Christ...there is just something beautiful and healing about coming together with a group of women who love Jesus and ascribing praise to Him and asking Him to move knowing that we are lost and broken and in deep need of rescuing that only He can provide...

I have a lot of thoughts right now...mostly about God's purposefulness and His provision and His creativity that brings about abundant life in the most barren of places...I am learning so much right now and I feel like the Lord is speaking to me in stereo these days...the speakers being friends, accountability group, bible study, sunday school, sermons, etc...He is opening my eyes and my heart to more of life in Him...

"God guides our minds as we think things out in His presence." J.I. Packer said that and it resonates in the deepest part of who I am...I am so thankful that our God is so powerful that we can ask Him to meet us and trust Him to guide our very thoughts and perspectives and feelings as we think about things and process life with Him and in Him..

"When we stay in our story, we are destined to become disillusioned and discouraged." What a gift the Lord has given us in our ability and desire to live in community and to know other people...how miserable would we be if we were always stuck inside our own stories...it's incredibly miserable, as most of us have experienced at one point or another...the Lord has challenged me more than ever to get out of my own story and into other people's...to invest in family and reap the fruit of shared life...

"When I speak of the long night that preceded the days of my happiness, I don't remember grief and loneliness so much as I do peace and comfort--grief, but never without comfort; loneliness, but never without peace. Almost never." Marilyn Robinson wrote that in Gilead. I love this. I love that our God is a deliverer, that He promises to never leave. and I'm humbled and thankful that I know these words to be true and I beg the Lord to finish the work that He has begun in my heart..

Lord, teach me to look at suffering and sanctification and not wish it away but explore it and marvel at the creative ways You choose to shape my character. May I see suffering and wonder what part of my character is this refining? and rejoice that you are not a God who is concerned with my comfort but a God who is concerned with my holiness..

"Certainly our contentment does not consist in getting the thing we desire, but in God's fashioning our spirits to our conditions. God works in us to view things by faith despite our changing moods, and by doing so, we see things more and more filtered through God's perspective. By doing that we can see a little more of the big picture of all of the Lord's dealings with His people and bring that to bear on what is happening in our lives." Jeremiah Burroughs wrote this. What if our contentment didn't lie in our circumstances but in the character of God? a very wise woman told me last week that a Son of promise has been born and you have great hope not because your circumstances will change but because you know the character of an unchanging God. woah. Our hope IS in the character of God.

ultimately Jesus is the reversal of everything. He is in the business of bringing dead souls to life, working in our total inability to accomplish great things, using our suffering to His glory whether He lets us in on it or not, and knowing us. really knowing us.

I am thankful for the insight that the Lord has given me into brokenness and need. and I'm sure that at the places of brokenness, barrenness, hopelessness, and need are the exact places where the Lord loves to begin new chapters that are full of life...

Ever notice that all the forefathers of Christ were strong, they were kings, they were warriors...and when Jesus came, the people missed it cause they expected Him to be strong...Ever notice that all the foremothers of Jesus were barren women, broken, sufferers, disgraced, cast aside, needy...

joy

i'm sitting in Panera and across from me are an high-schooler and a middle-aged lady hanging out and talking...i love that.

have i mentioned that i want to go to Africa? i'm praying about Kenya in July. a lofty goal but if the Lord wants me there, He'll open doors.

i'm loving my re-entry into the land of the living post nursing school...i feel more like me than i have in a year and a half.

i'm thinking about taking a part time nanny job. i think it'll be good. we'll see.

i'm almost finished with a whole nclex review book. that's a big deal for me. in the process, Panera has become my second home...the more i come, the more i love it.

i'm doing Beth Moore's study on Esther with the women at church. so far, i love it. the only problem is that the time conflicts with Taekwondo. i'm still deciding what to do about that.

i'm a huge fan of panera's new parfait. it's awesome.

and now, for the rest of the review book.

I saw what I saw

watch this.