Friday, July 16, 2010

being fed

I'm learning a lot right now. a lot about myself and the Lord, about the way I think, my habits and my health, my tendencies, my fears, and what "feeds" me. Counseling with Anne has been one of the best gifts that God has ever given me. She is so good for me, always pointing me to truth and willing to say the hard things at the perfect time, right when I'm ready to hear them. I'm still amazed at her ability to walk alongside me, help me both rejoice and mourn, affirm me and challenge me, and make me laugh and cry all in the same hour. Yesterday was mostly talking about the past 2 weeks, rejoicing over small victories and helpful choices. My homework was to do one thing to take care of myself or "feed" myself and to say "no" to something. I said no to several things and did a lot of things that were really good for me. I made myself have some alone time that was filled with time with Jesus, playing guitar, reading, singing, and praying. It's amazing how much better life is when you take some time to process and take care of yourself a little bit. It's hard, hard to make choices that go against long-standing habits and what has become comfortable. but it's so worth it in the end. Something Anne said yesterday was really helpful (surprise, surprise), "you have just been so drained in every way, especially emotionally and relationally, it's like we're trying to fill up a swimming pool that has been drained for the summer and is completely's going to be hard and it will take a while but once it's full, it's not so hard to make up for evaporation"...Anne told me to make a list of things that "feed" me emotionally and spiritually...after all "man does not live on bread alone.." the list included: time in the Word, playing guitar, journaling, Taekwondo/exercise in general, artsy stuff-scrapbook, painting, etc., reading, blogging, counseling, prayer, singing/listening to music, cleaning my room/apt, being at home...and I'm sure there are other things on the list that I'm forgetting but that's a start. It can't be too difficult to do at least one of those things every day. Yesterday, Anne reminded me what a blessing it is that the Lord pushed me to work on these things now instead of after I'm married with kids. She says "we marry people of like health" so moving toward emotional, spiritual, and physical health is worth it. I'll choose a better spouse, be a better mom, and ultimately know more of Jesus, which is really the goal. I'm so thankful that I'm not fighting alone.

Last weekend one of my best friends got married to the love of her life! Rae and I have only been friends for 11 months but we are kindred spirits. we joke that we are the same person in 2 very similar bodies :) but, really, she has been such a sweet spot in my life the past year and I was so honored to wear a pretty dress and stand beside her at her wedding. I am so excited to walk alongside her and Chad as they love Jesus more and love each other in marriage!

in other news, Heike, another best friend who has been living in China for the past year is coming to visit for a week very soon! Heike and I have been through so much together. I can't wait to sit with her and talk and just do life with her for a week. Margaritas will be obtained. I've missed her so much!

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